Changing Negative Self-Talk

I wanted to write about this topic because it’s something I’ve been really struggling with lately. Honestly, it’s something I struggle with a lot. So much of the time, I find myself feeling negative or getting down on myself simply because of the way I am talking to myself. My inner voice is telling me that I’m not good enough or I’m not strong enough or that something is wrong about the way I am choosing to do things.

All of these ideas and thoughts we have – they’re coming from our mind. They are all just projections we have created in our minds. Whether we are telling ourselves good things or bad things, we have created those ideas. Maybe we’ve focused in on one small thing that someone has said and drawn a conclusion from it.

What messages are we sending to ourselves?

We’re always looking for ways to hurt ourselves, or to find something wrong with ourselves and the way we are doing things.

At least for me, I’m finding myself constantly over-analyzing or overthinking every little thing. I often compare myself to others, and the things they “have” that I don’t “have”. I end up finding ways to be negative for absolutely no reason. It’s only hurting me, and closing me off from growth opportunities.
So let’s think about the things that we tell ourselves. Let’s really think about the messages we are sending. Are they good ones or bad ones?

When we think about ourselves, do we feel happy for all the beautiful things we are doing? Do we feel good about the person we are? Or do we find ways to hurt ourselves and put ourselves down for not doing enough, not being enough?

When we look at others, do we feel jealous of the things they have or the things they are doing? Or can we look at them and truly appreciate them and embrace their beauty?

So often, I find myself telling myself I’m not good enough in this way or that way. I find myself wanting to give up at the first sign of trouble. Comparing ourselves and wanting to be a certain way is so stupid, really.

There’s always going to be someone who is “better” than us

The truth is that we’re never going to be like that person, or at least our projection of them. There’s always going to be someone “better” than us, at least in our minds. We’re never going to have it all. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses and we all have our own things to bring to the table. Maybe they have something I don’t but does that mean that they are better than me? If we are doing the best to be the best person we can be, that’s all that matters.

Our minds are incredibly powerful. They truly shape everything else in our lives and impact the ways in which our daily lives go. So the way we are thinking about things, the perspective we choose to have, the way we look at the world each day, affects everything else.

Let’s start to notice these patterns. Let’s start to notice when we start projecting the negative ideas onto ourselves. Let’s start to see when we are judging and comparing. And let’s change that.

Changing our Thought Patterns

Instead of the judgment and bias and comparison, we can think in more positive ways. So maybe we see someone who is much better at something than us, or more knowledgeable than us, and so instantly we use that to feel badly about ourselves. Let’s stop there for a minute. We can shift our perspective right there. Instead of using this positive thing to feel badly about ourselves, let’s use it to feel something positive about this other person and the beautiful things that they are doing. Let’s genuinely look at this person and recognize their beauty.

When we do this, not only do we feel better about this person, but we feel better about ourselves. We’re no longer comparing and sending out this negative energy, we’re truly embracing the positive. We can start to see the true beauty of human nature and the uniqueness of every single person.

Embracing Our Uniqueness

We’re all different. We all have something to contribute in this world. We’re not meant to be everything, and we’re not meant to be naturally good at everything. We’ve all got our flaws and we all have our strengths. There’s always going to be areas that we are going to need to work harder in, and there’s going to be things that come easier for us. If we keep honing in on all the things we don’t have and don’t appreciate all the things we do have, we’ll lose track of all the amazing things we have to offer.

So we need to think about these things. Think about what we are telling ourselves. Think about how often we are putting ourselves down or giving up or losing motivation. Think about all that negativity and how it’s impacting us in our daily lives.

Let’s start to see each other’s beauty. Let’s learn from one another, and find inspiration in each other.
We’re all on our own journeys. They’re not meant to be the same, and we’re not meant to be just like everyone else.

Perception is Everything

Ultimately, we always have the power to choose how we want to perceive things. No matter what the circumstances, no matter how hard it may be, we always have the power to decide the way we think. If all we are thinking is negative, all we are ever going to get is negative. But if we really think about it and shift to a mindset full of openness and positivity, we open ourselves up to other people and create an infinite number of opportunities to learn and grow.

Changing the way we talk to ourselves and the way we perceive ourselves has so much influence on the way we perceive others. Having a more positive mindset has the power to transform us into stronger and happier human beings.

Not Every Day is Going to be a Good Day…

Maybe you’ve gotten to the point where you’re on the path to where you want to be. Maybe you’ve found a good job doing what you love, or you’re in the right relationship, or you’re taking the steps toward your goals. You’re headed toward that plan or that future that you want. You’re doing it. Now everything should be smooth, simple, easy, right?


I’ve realized that no matter where you’re at in your life, even if it is on the “right path”, it’s not going to be easy. Even if you’re in the place you’re meant to be and you’re expecting things to be perfect every step of the way, it’s never going to be the case. Life is never going to be perfect.

So you’ve reached your goal, you’re doing that job, you feel like you’re becoming the person you’re meant to be… So why is it still so hard? Why are there still so many challenges, so many struggles? You thought everything would change, that suddenly life would become easy.

Perfection Doesn’t Exist

The reality is that no matter how good things are, you’re not going to be in a state of bliss every single day. That’s never going to be the case. That’s not how life works.
What we expect to happen almost always doesn’t happen. We can’t plan or map out our lives. Our ideas, our desires, our feelings – are changing all the time. Maybe at one moment we think we want something, and then we realize we don’t. That’s okay. That’s part of learning and living.

The point is that life is never going to be perfect, there’s no point where things just become simple. There’s always going to be the ups and downs – even when we are in that “good place” in our life. We have to recognize the fact that we are humans – humans who experience vast ranges of emotions and thoughts and who are constantly evolving and changing along with everyone and everything around us.

So not every day is going to be perfect. It’s never going to be. No matter how much we want it to be, things will not fall into place in exactly the way we want at the exact moment that we want. The moment we recognize that, we can give up that expectation and accept that some days are simply going to be more of a struggle for us. We can find the beauty in the unexpected moments, and accept the challenges that come our way without allowing them to break us.

Struggles Become Opportunities for Growth

Life will always be presenting us with more challenges, more roadblocks to our success. The important part is what we do in the face of those challenges – do we give up at the first sign of danger or do we continue to overcome them and come out of them stronger?

Recognizing our own difficulties and our own struggles opens us up to growth. It allows us to continue learning and developing into a better person. We’re going to have bad days, and lots of them. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just a part of life. Those bad days, those struggles, they come to remind us of all the good we have and all of the opportunities we have to continue growing.

So… not every day is going to be a good day, and that’s okay.

The Power of Opening Your Heart

I don’t know about you, but for me, opening up has always been something of a challenge and something that takes some time. A lot of the time, I tend to be pretty closed off and keep a lot of things to myself. Sometimes it seems easier that way in this harsh world.

Closing off and Shutting Down

It seems that in our society today, so many of us have closed ourselves off from our emotions, from the real things, from the things that matter. It feels like society has turned us into these machines. We just keep doing things that we think we’re supposed to, keeping ourselves busy, constantly moving. It starts to feel like so much of the time is spent pretending. Are the things we are doing things that actually matter or are they just filling our time? Are we being the people we really want to be? Are we being true to who we are and really seeing one another? Sometimes it’s hard to find that balance between our truth and society’s expectations of us.

What’s Real?

It seems hard to find genuine people or that sense of genuineness in the world – and that’s no surprise, considering the way the world works. We’ve adapted to this kind of life. We’ve gotten accustomed to putting on a show for everyone. Most of the time, we don’t know what people are really thinking. We don’t know what’s real. At least out there in the world, everyone’s busy with their lives and no one seems to have a moment to look beyond themselves. It’s hard to place blame for that. The world has roped us into this way of thinking, and we’ve become accustomed to this kind of mindset. We’re competing, trying to be the best, but what are we even working for?

Everyone’s talking all the time, we feel this need to be in constant communication and to know everything that’s going on in everyone’s lives, whether it’s in-person or digital. With social media and texting, we’ve gotten so used to being constantly aware of these sorts of things. In reality, we’re only seeing a small fraction of reality – the things that people want us to see. Maybe we’re trying too hard to show that we’re doing well because we feel like we need to prove ourselves.

At the end of the day, are we talking about things that actually matter? Are we really communicating and listening to one another? Are we even able to?

What We Show the World

There always seems to be this gap there. We’re all afraid of being too genuine or caring too much or showing too much or just being real with one other. We think we need to put on a show, we only can show the good parts, the happy glamorous moments. What we choose to show the world doesn’t change the way things actually are. It doesn’t take away the difficulties and the pain, and it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with those things. Most of the time, we’ve decided it’s easier to shut ourselves off from our emotions. It’s scary to be real, it’s scary to put ourselves out there because that requires dealing with those uncomfortable emotions. Anytime our emotions are involved, that means there’s a chance of getting hurt.

We’re afraid of coming across as “too emotional” for having feelings or for talking about them. We feel forced to keep things to ourselves. I know that I’ve always felt like I needed to keep things to myself – when I’m feeling down I always feel like I need to deal with it on my own. It’s unhealthy to push down our feelings, hide them or run away from them.

We’re Not Alone

Something I’m discovering more and more is that we don’t need to keep all of this to ourselves. Believe me, I know it may feel like that a lot of the time. We’re all dealing with things, and we all struggle sometimes. Yet, we realize that we don’t need to be on our own. It can be hard to find the right people, to find people we are comfortable enough with to truly share ourselves with, but once we do it can be a very powerful thing.

Especially for those of us who have been let down or hurt by people we love, it can be a challenge to truly open ourselves up again. Opening up requires strength and bravery, and not everyone has the strength to do so or even to listen in the way we need. We all find our people, we find those people we can open ourselves up to, and those who are meant to really know us. Once we do, we realize we’re not so alone after all. There’s strength in really knowing other people, and letting ourselves be known.

Building Wholehearted Connections

When we start to open ourselves up to others, we give ourselves validation and we allow ourselves to be real and connect wholeheartedly with other people. I’ve always found it hard to find the kinds of people who I can connect with in that way, but gradually I’ve found the people with whom I can create those meaningful relationships. Having these people, even if it’s just one person, we are able to share who we are and understand others. We start to relate to people more and build meaningful relationships. We are able to learn so much from each other, and discover the people we are meant to be.

It’s never been something that’s easy for me, and I’m sure many can relate. It’s not easy to do especially in a world that prides itself on appearances and competition. It’s not easy to share, to expose our wounds or the parts of ourselves that aren’t perfect. At the end of the day, our society is bringing us further and further apart.

Recently, I’ve been reminded that genuine people are still out there. I’ve been reminded of the beauty in allowing ourselves to be open to ourselves and to others, to come out of hiding. I think there’s a sense of basic humanity in being able to share who we are and be genuine with one another despite all obstacles in our paths.

We need to keep forming those genuine connections. We need to keep making the time to get to know each other, to care for each other, to love each other wholeheartedly. Knowing each other helps us know ourselves. Opening our hearts allows us to learn and grow into the best versions of ourselves. Let’s not forget the power of being truly open and loving one another.

Practicing Mindfulness in Daily Life

Sometimes we get so wrapped in our routines and lives that we forget to really be present and find joy in the simple moments. We’re always busy doing something, constantly on the move. In this day-and-age unfortunately it’s hard to escape that. Despite having busy lives, we’re still always able to find our presence amidst all of it. No matter what we’re doing, no matter how complicated our lives may get, we are always able to find that simple clarity again.

I think a lot of the time we tend to associate mindfulness with the practice of sitting meditation – generally something we consider separate from our daily routine or maybe a means of escaping the chaos of our hectic lives. Really, mindfulness is the act of maintaining that presence and that same idea we practice in meditation, but incorporating it into every other aspect of our lives.

That’s the amazing part about mindfulness – it truly encompasses everything else, and it’s something we can use not only every day but in every moment. Meditation shouldn’t be a means of escaping from that chaos, but a sort of entryway into overall awareness throughout our day.

Being mindful just means being aware, being present, being here. So whether we’re working out, doing dishes, eating dinner, driving, doing office work, or just hanging out, we can always be mindful.
So much of the time we’re just trying to rush through everything, or get things done as quickly as possible so we can get to the things we really want to be doing in our lives. We get so used to this that we don’t realize how much we’re missing out on our lives and losing out on opportunities. We forget that we can enjoy our lives and be present all the time, not just in the fun or relaxing moments.

Establishing Presence in Our Daily Routines

We are capable of finding awareness of what we are doing and of exactly where we are all the time. When we’re eating a meal, we can learn to truly slow down and enjoy it. Something’s wrong when we start to rush meals and don’t take the time to really enjoy our food. Let’s start to really think about the food we’re eating and where it came from. Let’s learn to really appreciate that food and its ability to nourish our body. It’s a good practice to eat meals slowly and really be aware of each bite we take, rather than just shoveling food down thoughtlessly.

When we’re folding laundry, let’s slow down and use care. Let’s use this as an opportunity to be present. Our chores don’t have to be chores if we learn how to look at them a little differently. We can find enjoyment in these tasks and appreciate the things we have.

When we’re working or studying and feeling overwhelmed, let’s remember why we’re doing it. Let’s remember our purpose. Let’s take a minute to breath and re-connect. It doesn’t just have to be something we need to “get over with” so we can get to the good things.

Obstacles Become Chances for us to Connect

In our lives, there will always be obstacles and barriers we’ll have to overcome. There will be challenges and things that don’t come easy to us. We’re going to go through struggles. It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. When these types of challenges arise – whether physical or mental – we can allow them to become an opportunity to develop and grow. We don’t have to dread these moments.

We can see them as a chance to develop new skills, to build new relationships, to change our perspective, to try things we might not have otherwise tried. By being mindful and open in these moments, we become susceptible to positive growth.

Relax and Come Back to the Moment

No matter how stressed or overworked we may feel, we always know we can come back to this mindfulness. We can breathe, take a moment to relax, and remember to be in that moment wholeheartedly. Even if we feel completely overwhelmed, we know that feeling isn’t going to last forever. Even if it’s a tough or a painful time, we can recognize where we are. We can be okay with that confusion or struggle, and realize it isn’t going to exist forever.

We can come back to the simple awareness of our life and realize the overall purpose for whatever it is that we are doing. In doing so, we practice mindfulness. We are simply aware of where we’re at, what we’re doing, and why we’re doing it. We can take a break if we need to, we don’t need to keep pushing ourselves.

We have the chance to be here, to be mindful, to be alive every single moment. Let’s remember that.

Find YOUR Path

That’s always the struggle, right? Trying to figure out what we’re doing, where we’re going, what we want out of life. Maybe we don’t know what we want. Or maybe we do, but we don’t know how we’re going to get there, or that goal just seems so far out of reach. Maybe we’re starting to give up, and settle for something less. We’re starting to think that these goals just might be impossible to attain.
We have these big ideas, these big plans, things we want. We all want to do something good, make some kind of difference. But sometimes those dreams, those big ideas seem like just that – ideas. We need to figure out how we can shift from simply knowing what we want out of life to a place where we’re actually able to achieve those things.

Making the Extra Effort

The problem is that it isn’t easy. It’s as simple as that. If we have these big plans, if we want something bigger, if we want to make those things happen, we need to do the work. By “the work”, I mean sometimes we need to do things that aren’t particularly enjoyable or things that aren’t directly related to that end goal. The work can also mean making the tough decisions – doing things that other people don’t always agree with or understand. It can mean taking risks, leaving our comfort zones, doing things that might present more challenges. As long as it’s working toward that overall process, toward the end goal, we know we are going to benefit in the end.

And maybe by doing those things, making those tough decisions, getting out of our comfort zones, our entire path changes. Maybe we realize that we want something different and completely shift our perspective. Maybe we realize we want to go in an entirely different direction. And that’s okay. It’s all part of it.

Ultimately, through my own struggles and my own journey, I’ve come to realize we’re all trying to figure it out. Even if it seems simple for others, it doesn’t mean that it is. At least for me, it’s been an ongoing process. It’s a never-ending journey trying to figure out who we are, what we want, who we want to be. I still struggle with this all the time, and I’m sure that I always will. Because it isn’t easy… it simply isn’t easy. Life is complicated, full of endless choices and so many different paths.

Are We Okay With Being Just “Okay”?

I see so many people giving up and choosing to live a life that’s just “okay” and that is comfortable or simple. And maybe they will be “okay” with that life. But we need to ask ourselves if that’s really all we want? Do we want to be just okay, when we can be something so much more than that?

We all have goals and dreams and ideals for our lives. Maybe we’ve found ourselves a little lost or sidetracked, maybe we’ve gotten a little discouraged along the way, but I know they’re still in there. I’ve always been a little bit of a dreamer, and maybe even a little too idealistic. But I’ll never be sorry for that. Even if those dreams are something that I’ll never be quite able to reach, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying. That’s one of the biggest parts of what makes me the person I am.

I’ve always been one to be overflowing with ideas, full of interests and plans. It was always hard for me to pick just one thing because I wanted to do everything. So it makes sense that I’ve tried a lot of things, and that my path hasn’t been and isn’t just straight and narrow. It’s never been easy for me to simply “settle”, or choose a life doing something that my heart isn’t fully in.

I’ve found myself in a lot of different places and trying things I never would have expected – some things I don’t even believe that I’ve done. I ended up in those places mostly because I didn’t know exactly where I was going or what I wanted, but I knew I wanted to do something. I knew I wanted something more. There were a lot of beauty moments in there, but there were a lot of struggles as well. Believe me, there were a lot of struggles. Despite all those challenges, I’m grateful for every part of my journey because it has led me right here. I’m sure that there’s going to be plenty more struggles on my way, but I know I can handle it and I know it’s all part of what’s leading me where I need to go.

A Never-Ending Process

The journey is never-ending. Right now, you might not know exactly where you’re heading or what you’re supposed to be doing. You might be questioning whether it’s worth it or questioning if what you’re doing even matters. You might even be doing something you really hate. Maybe you’re questioning who you are. That’s okay.

It’s okay for us to not have it all figured out. It’s okay if it isn’t easy. It’s okay to change our minds. It’s okay to reroute our lives. At the end of the day, we’re trying. We’re questioning because it matters. We’re struggling because we care, and we’re working toward something bigger.

There’s no set path. It’s not straightforward. Life is a process, a journey that’s changing all the time. We’re allowed to mess up, we’re allowed to change how we feel, to change what we want. We’re allowed to do things a little differently from “everyone else”. We learn, we adapt, we grow.

Find What Works for You

We’re all figuring it out, we’re doing that on our own. Our priorities, our goals, our paths are different. We need to find what works for us. It doesn’t matter if that suits others expectations or ideas for us. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, or what sidetracks or setbacks we take along the way. It doesn’t matter if everyone understands our path. Even if we don’t know whether we’re going in the right direction, what matters is that we’re moving.

We’re going somewhere, and we sometimes we just need to have a little faith in the journey. Trust the path. No matter how far we may stray, we keep on moving forward. No matter how lost we get, we’ll always find our way again.

No Excuses

I’m tired of hearing it. I’m tired of people saying “Oh I wish I could do that, I wish I could do this”. I’m tired of people complaining about their jobs, about their relationships, about every single aspect of their lives. If you’re really unhappy with something, then make a change. Change something. It’s as simple as that. You do have that power.

The problem is that we’re stuck. We’re stuck in miserable jobs or relationships or in places that we know we’re not truly happy. Yet somehow, we keep getting ourselves back into those places over and over again. Maybe it seems easier or simpler to stay where we’re comfortable. And the more we continue to stick with what is comfortable, the more stuck we become. Deep down, we know there’s something missing and we’re not happy. Yet, we’re not making the necessary changes to bring ourselves that happiness.

The beautiful thing is that we are not fixed structures. We are human beings with this magnificent power – the power of choice. We are able to move, to change, to speak up, to decide what we want out of this life.

I genuinely understand that people have things holding them back. There are so many people out there that are struggling because they don’t have that free choice, they are being held back by the society they live in. People have hardships and struggle with things entirely out of their control.

Yet, if we step back and evaluate our lives, if we step back and really think about the decisions we are making for ourselves, can we honestly say they are the right ones? Can we be honest with ourselves and recognize the things that we are doing again and again to hurt ourselves? Are we okay with things being “good enough” or “just getting by”? Or do we want something more, something bigger?

We have obligations, financial concerns, fears. And we get stuck in these cycles – never really making that bold move to get out. It’s not easy to go after the things we really want. It’s not easy to make those big decisions. It’s not easy to differ from the “norm”. There’s a risk involved. There’s an uncertainty, an unknown – we don’t know the outcome. But I’ve learned that all of the best things in life never come easy. Achieving our goals and making our dreams come true never come from sticking to the things that are easy.

There will always be other people influencing our decisions, questioning or doubting us, trying to sway us in one way or another. The people in our lives will not always support us and our choices 100%. They won’t always understand our choices because they see things differently. We will always have our own mental roadblocks, internal struggles. Undoubtedly, we will always be able to find something – some excuse as to why we can’t do something, as to why we can’t follow our dreams and our hearts. There’s always going to be a reason why we can’t or why we shouldn’t do something.

Maybe we can’t physically make that change or that decision in this exact moment. But if we really want something, we CAN take steps toward it right now. We can realize our goals and move in the direction towards where we want to be. It may be quick or it may take a long time but we have the power to do everything we can toward making those goals a reality.

Sometimes, it’s easier to give advice than take it. And I don’t always follow my own advice – I make excuses too. But I’ve started making that effort to push toward the things that I want, to go for my dreams and my goals because I’m tired of excuses and I’m not about living a half-assed life.

Some years back, I found myself pretty lost and in a dark place for a little while. And somehow amongst that darkness, I found the strength to pull myself upward. I knew there was something missing and I needed to change something in myself. I started making changes and eventually figuring out my goals for myself and taking steps toward achieving them.

I’ve struggled with anxiety and particularly social anxiety my whole life and its something that I still struggle with every day, but I learned to understand and come to terms with who I am. During this time in my life, I started to make small steps toward overcoming some of my fears. I started recognizing the things that I wanted out of life and taking the necessary actions in order to achieve those things.

I started meditating, eating better, reading more, and exercising. I started trying new things, meeting new people, making new experiences; I started making positive choices for my mental health.

The big decision I made at that point was to spend a semester studying abroad – something I always had wanted to do. At this time of my life, this was a really big deal for me and something very exciting and a little overwhelming. I made the decision almost a year in advance and it took time for me to go through all of the necessary steps – deciding the place, the program, the courses I could take, and all the other details required to make it a reality. Ultimately, no doubt in my mind, this was the best decision I ever made. It was an amazing feeling turning a dream into reality.

Of course, it was scary too. Four months in a foreign country? I hadn’t gone more than a few weeks at college without visiting home. I spent that whole year committed to learning Spanish. Despite my fears, I knew nothing felt more right for me.

Flash forward a year and a half later, graduating from college, I decided I wanted to work abroad after graduation. After feeling lost and uncertain for some time, and freaking out about what I wanted to “do with my life” I made the decision to go Thailand to teach English for 6 months (or more). Me, the girl with social anxiety, made the decision to literally travel to the other side of the world, in a place where I have no knowledge of the language, to TEACH (for the first time) a class of 30+ kids who don’t know English. Somehow things that at one point would have seemed entirely crazy became not only possible but realistic.

I always wanted to travel. I had never envisioned myself in Costa Rica, I had never envisioned myself learning Spanish. I definitely never envisioned myself in Thailand, and honestly, I had never envisioned myself as a teacher. Yet, the path toward my goals and my dreams seemed to lead me to make these decisions and led me to make unexpected choices. All of those choices were a part of my path – a path that I still am discovering and understanding. A lot of days, I’m still not sure whether I am going the right direction. No matter how uncertain I may feel, no matter how lost I may feel some days, I know that this is my path and that sometimes you need to get a little lost in order to learn and find your way back.

People seem amazed sometimes when I tell them I did these things, and sometimes I’m amazed too. They’ll say things to me like “I wish I could travel, or I wish I could do that but…”. My point is that if you really really want to, you can make it happen. Make a plan, take the necessary steps, and move toward that goal. If I can do it, you can too.

You don’t know anyone, you don’t speak the language, you don’t know whether you will make a good teacher, you don’t know if you’ll get homesick and miss your family and the comforts of home. You don’t know if you are brave enough, or if you have what it takes to make that jump. The question is are you willing to accept all of these uncertainties and unknowns and doubts and move forward toward your dreams, despite or rather BECAUSE of these uncertainties? Are you willing to make that terrifying, exhilarating jump?

My dream was to travel. Maybe your dream is entirely different from mine – changing your career field and following your passion, starting your own business, moving to a different country – whatever it may be. It really doesn’t matter what it is, my point is that going for that dream requires risk. The question is whether or not you are willing to take that risk.

There’s always going to be some excuse as to why you can’t do something. There’s always going to something holding you back. If you’re looking for an excuse as to why you can’t, you will ALWAYS find one… but all of the reasons why you CAN and why you should grossly outweigh the “reasons” you can’t if you really look. The question is whether you’re willing to leave the comfort of where you are now and gain the courage to move toward where you want to be, to do the thing you “always wished” you could do. The truth is the outcome is uncertain and you could fail. But if you don’t try, you’ll never even have a chance. The best things always come with a risk.

Take the risk. Make that jump. No regrets. No more excuses.

4 Simple Yet Powerful Ways of Overcoming Fear

One of the biggest mental challenges for so many of us is facing our fears. Whatever it is that scare us the most, most all our fears stem from two categories — the fear of uncertainty and the fear of inadequacy. We’re afraid of the unknown and we’re afraid of failure. Ultimately we realize that fears only exist because we let them. The reality in life is that we’re going to deal with things we can’t make sense of or understand, we’re going to fail, and we’re going to face situations which will make us feel uncertain over and over again. The choice is up to us to decide how we deal with those situations. So from my own experience, I’ve developed some strategies that can help us learn to face our fears.

1. Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

One of the most powerful realizations for me was the power of uncertainty. We’re so afraid of stepping out of our comfort zones and doing things that are different for us that we can’t see how amazing doing those things can be. There’s an openness and a curiosity in engaging in new experiences and putting ourselves out there. Whether it be joining a dance class, taking a solo trip, skydiving, or being honest with someone about how we feel, having the courage to do these things empowers us. Clinging to our fears and anxieties traps us and holds us back from bigger opportunities. Choosing to embrace uncertainty and explore possibilities that may seem foreign to us builds strength and confidence. There’s so much we may never know if we don’t try.

2. Practice Mindfulness in All Things – Slow Down and Be Present

Another huge component to facing our fears is simply slowing down a little bit and finding presence. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when we think about things that scare us. Once we slow down a little and break things down, we start to see these things as not such a big deal. We tend to exaggerate or overthink things in our mind to a point where they become something much bigger and scarier than they actually are. If we take a step back and are mindful and aware of exactly where we are, we begin to see that these fears aren’t quite as scary as they seem. After being able to successfully face something that scares us, we build confidence and the next challenge becomes that much easier.

3. Transform your Negative Thought Patterns

So much of the time, I don’t think we realize how negative our thinking patterns are. It’s easy to get used to negative thought patterns, things that keep us “safe”. We think that being cautious and staying in the places that are comfortable will help us avoid unnecessary pain or disappointment. Yet, doing this ultimately holds us back from reaching our full potential. Maybe we don’t even realize how much our thought patterns hurt us. Instead of thinking about getting through something or getting something over with, think about how much opportunity the experience presents for you. Think with a curiosity, a wonder, an openness. Transforming from a negative or closed-off mindset to one of openness and positivity can truly change the way our experiences go for us. The only thing that matters in the end is the way that we perceive things. The way that we think about our lives and the different situations that we encounter shapes the way that those things go.

4. Embrace the Beauty in the Unknown

So many of us struggle with anxiety. If we think about what anxiety stems from, it generally is simply uncertainty. We are absolutely terrified of not knowing how things are going to go, where something will take us, whether we are making the right choices, and so forth.

If we just take a second to look at this idea of uncertainty in a different way we may begin to see a beauty in it. There’s something so amazing about the unknown. If we accept that change is a natural part of life, we can shift our perspective. This means that the possibilities in life are endless, we don’t know where we will end up. We might be struggling or feel like we are in a dark place in this moment, but we realize that our lives are changing all the time, and we never know where life will take us.

So, maybe you’re reinventing yourself for the millionth time, or you are changing your career, or getting out of a relationship, or questioning whether you are doing what you’re meant to be doing. At the end of the day, that’s a beautiful thing. You have that opportunity to try again, to start over, to find something new, to change your life – over and over again. So instead of fearing not knowing how things will turn out, we can truly accept and embrace that. We can see so much more clearly and maybe find ourselves in places we never knew we would.

4 Reasons Why You Should Do More Things Alone

As an introvert, I’ve always cherished my alone time so I never quite understood the desire to be out and about with people all the time. Quite honestly, I love having that time to myself and I feel most energized when I’m immersed in something artistic or just exploring new places. Of course, I also enjoy spending time with friends and family members, and going out and doing things but I really depend on having that alone time.

Over the past few years, I’ve developed a lot of independence which all started when I made the decision to go after my dreams – and the biggest part of being able to do that was deciding to do it on my own. For me, the biggest thing that I always wanted to do was to travel – and that was something I decided to do on my own. Anytime I tell people about backpacking or traveling alone, people say things like “I could never do that” or tell me how brave I am. I didn’t see myself as that brave, because for me I was more afraid of never taking that chance than I was of doing it on my own.

I’ve found that no matter what it is, you’re not always going to have someone else there to do it with you. We all have hopes and dreams and desires and things that we want out of life. I’m sure we all have a million things on our bucket lists, and there are so many opportunities out there. If we wait around for somebody else to be there to do it with us, we will likely never get that chance. The longer we wait, the harder it becomes. If you really want something out of life, you need to do it. Don’t wait around for someone else. You always have that choice and that freedom. Being alone isn’t nearly as scary as you think, and the moment you learn to rely on yourself you will realize just how capable you are.

1. Empowers You

Most of us feel a sense of comfort in having someone by our side, someone to tag along with us to that dance class or running club or cross country road trip. Of course, it’s always great to have that friend that will try something new with us. However, we can’t always have someone that can do what we want or who wants to do the same things. We’re all different people and we all want different things out of life. Especially as an adult, we’re all busy with our own jobs and schedules, and it’s hard to even make time for ourselves let alone others. Once we start being okay with going places or trying new things on our own, we realize it feels pretty damn good. We change our perspective, and instead of letting our fears consume us, we are open to whatever the experience may offer. We build confidence and self-esteem. Even if we embarrass ourselves or feel incredibly uncomfortable, we know that we had the courage to put ourselves out there and try. And that is a powerful thing.

2. Changes Negative Preconceptions

So many people, myself included, are full of negative preconceptions about things. If we haven’t done something before or are unfamiliar with a place or people, naturally we are nervous. We don’t know what to expect, everything is uncertain, and that terrifies us… especially when we have to do it alone. Yet, as soon as we change these ideas in our heads we start to see things in a much different light.

Let’s say you’re going to a party where you don’t know anyone or joining a running group and feel out of shape or going on a first date with someone. You are nervous, and these thoughts run through your head…”who am I going to talk to at the party?” “what happens if I can’t keep up with the rest of the runners?”, “what if I embarrass myself?” Let’s shift that perspective… “what if I surprise myself and run really well?”, “what if I meet some really cool people and have a lot of fun?”, “what if I have great conversation and end up really liking him?”

Seeing things in this light changes the entire way things will go. You aren’t expecting the worst, you are just allowing life to happen and you are confident enough in you’re own skin to accept it. Okay, and even if the worst happens, at the end of the day, you’re going to survive. It’s not going to be the end of the world. And you are going to know that you put yourself out there, and did something that wasn’t easy for you, and you tried. That’s all that matters.

3. Opens You up to New Opportunities and People

When you try new things, or go out and do things that spark a little bit of fear in you, you are exposing yourself to countless new opportunities and things you never would have otherwise. Instead of staying in your little bubble of comfort or doing the same old things with the same old people, you are allowing yourself to do something different. You are exposing yourself to change. Putting yourself in the presence of new people and different situations allows you to think differently and consider different possibilities. Meeting new people and getting to understand different perspectives helps get us out of our own negative habits and patterns and think a little differently. Spending time alone allows us to become aware of things that we really want and explore new possibilities. It gives us the opportunity to experience something new and make us think differently.

4. Builds Mental Strength

For me, when I started meditating, it was the first time I allowed myself to truly be alone with myself. There were some days, a lot of days, that it was just really really hard to sit still and be with myself. It was really hard to stay present. The simplest thing, literally just sit and breathe – seemed to be the most difficult thing.

Meditation is a powerful practice of being alone with yourself. Even if you spend a lot of time alone, whether it’s just chilling watching some Netflix or reading a book, there are rare moments that we are actually able to just be – to simply exist.

Meditation taught me how to truly embrace the stillness and solitude because I actually had to be with myself – no distractions, nowhere to run. When you actually find the power to sit there with yourself, it’s an amazing feeling. It doesn’t have to be meditation, but maybe just going for a hike or taking a trip or even going to the gym on your own – being able to do that and push through the feelings of discomfort – makes you so much stronger mentally. Starting this process is a challenge, but the more we do it, the easier it becomes to do these things more and more.

Through gaining the courage to do things on my own, I’ve learned just how capable I am and have found myself doing things that once seemed absolutely impossible. I struggle with a lot of my own mental roadblocks, but at the end of the day I’ve realized that pushing myself to do things on my own has opened me up to so many opportunities I otherwise would have never had. The amazing thing is that we will continue to surprise ourselves. Some days my life doesn’t seem real, and I am so unbelievably grateful that I took the chances I have and went after my dreams despite any fears and uncertainties.

Resolutions & Reflections

The year is coming to an end, and it’s that time where we all reflect back on the past year and think about what we want to change or improve upon in the upcoming year.

Looking Back on 2018…

2018, for me, was a year full of ups and downs, new experiences, and as usual figuring myself out just a little more. This year, I FINALLY got my license and bought my first car, which (even though I’m 24) was a huge accomplishment for me being that driving is something that gives me a lot of anxiety. This year I stayed in my own country yet I still managed to fit in a lot of travel to many different places in the US including Chicago, San Francisco and northern California, Colorado, Florida, and several trips to New York. Although I’m not exactly where I hope to be or expected to be in terms of my job, I’ve been able to have many new work experiences and do a job that I genuinely can say that I enjoy. Working my first postgrad full-time job in the US as a Pre-K teaching assistant, and working in a lot of different part-time jobs including tutoring English as a second language with people in other countries, freelance writing and blogging, and working as a Behavior Technician with children with autism, I’ve enjoyed and learned from each opportunity. I also got to do a volunteer work experience for a few weeks in California in a Buddhist retreat center which was unforgettable and personally meaningful for me. I’ve met a lot of amazing people, built new friendships and relationships, and reconnected with old friends. I’ve been able to see my family continue to grow and change. I’ve been able to continue working on myself and doing the things I’m passionate about. But this year hasn’t all been easy. I’ve certainly had my personal challenges recently and I’ve struggled with my mental health. But right now, I am thinking about all of the things that I have to be grateful for and the people in my life that I am grateful for and I’m thinking about all of the things I have yet to look forward to in the upcoming year.

New Year, New Me…

So as 2019 approaches we’re all contemplating what we want to do better this year, and what we want to change and improve upon. I’m always one who finds myself coming up with lists of aspirations, things I’m going to do better, things I’m going to do more of, things I’m going to accomplish. Especially being that I’ve had a little more time to myself over the holidays and have had some time to clear my head a bit. This time of year is when we get the chance to rethink our lives and make a plan for things we’re going to improve on, or things we’re going to change or make more time for.

“I’m going to start eating healthy again.”
“I’m going to cook more.”
“I’m going to meditate and exercise every day.”
“I’m going to work toward getting a job that I am passionate about.”

Those are just a few of the aspirations that are coming up in my list for the new year. But even thinking those things and saying those things, I am aware that it’s easier said than done and I’m not going to suddenly change and do EVERYTHING I aspire to do and make every single thing on that list become instantly reality.

Slow and Steady… Setting Realistic Expectations

I know that I’m going to get back into my typical routine, and things aren’t going to go as smoothly or flow freely as the way the plan plays out in my head. As I’m sure many can relate. I’ve had time off work this week and a vacation which gave me some free time to relax and contemplate the things that I want in the upcoming year. But I know, I’m going to go back to work, I’m going to get busy again, and I’m not going to have the time to do every single thing on that list perfectly all of the time. That’s just reality.

Maybe we will start making these adjustments in our lives and have some success in making these changes. But it’s a known fact that the majority of people’s new years resolutions end up failing within the first month. It makes a lot of sense because we expect too much, we expect to see everything suddenly change or we make resolutions that are too big and think that everything is going to fall into place right away. But that’s just not reality. Just because tomorrow is January 1st and we make a goal doesn’t mean things are going to be different all of a sudden. It doesn’t really matter what day of the year it is. We can make goals and plans and dreams for ourselves all the time.

New Years Resolutions are a really amazing thing, and I think that it’s a good feeling to have that fresh start and get the chance to make goals for ourselves and our upcoming year. Sometimes it gets hard because we get so caught up in things so it’s always nice to have that time to rethink things. The problem is when we make these resolutions we need to be aware of our mindset. We need to consider what making these changes is actually going to mean and how we are going to achieve them. “I’m going to exercise and meditate every day” “I’m going to cook more and eat healthy” “I’m going to work toward getting my dream job”. These aspirations are great, but for me I’m also working full-time plus. I know that once I get back to work, I’m going to be tired. I’m going to get busy. I’m not going to have the time, realistically, to go for a run, to do yoga, to meditate, to cook a healthy dinner, AND get all of my other work done… every single day. And maybe sometimes I am going to have time but maybe one night I’m going to decide to get take out and binge watch Netflix instead.

Don’t Overwhelm Yourself

So what I’m trying to say is that we overwhelm ourselves with our aspirations which is why we end up either burning out or giving up at the first fallback. I’m absolutely NOT saying that we shouldn’t make resolutions or goals or aspirations. I think that it’s always amazing to make these kinds of goals for ourselves and to aspire to better ourselves in whatever ways necessary. I know that I constantly am doing that. What I’m trying to say is that in making these goals, we need to be patient with ourselves. We need to realize that making the big changes in our lives is never going to happen overnight. That’s impossible. The big things, the real and important changes, take time. They are all part of a bigger process. Getting in shape, eating healthy, working toward career or relationship goals, learning a new skill, or cultivating your passions, those are big things and those aren’t things that we can expect to be easy. It’s not nearly as easy as it seems in our heads to actually make those changes. We need to be aware of that. And we need to realize that we are never going to be able to do everything perfectly and it’s never going to be a smooth path like that idealized image we have in our minds.
So we try our best to do our part each and every day toward achieving that goal or that dream. Maybe we’ll miss a day or 2 or even week of exercise. Maybe we’ll have days where we are really stressed out and exhausted from work and we’ll go to McDonalds instead of cooking a healthy meal for ourselves like we planned. Maybe we aren’t finding our dream job as quickly as we hoped or even like our jobs.

Maybe we’ll spend too much time watching Netflix instead of reading those books we planned. That’s only natural and that’s okay. We can’t give up because of one or two bad days or poor decisions. We can’t be so hard on ourselves for that. We need to accept and understand that the path isn’t always going to be smooth and clear. There’s going to be lots of bumps and we might need to get lost a few times along the way. We’re all human and we’re never going to be perfect or do things just the right way. We’re going to continue messing and making mistakes.

Don’t Give up after Minor Setbacks

The trick is, no matter how much we might mess up and stray from our path, is to find our way back. The trick is finding that resilience, that strength to pull ourselves in the right direction again if we do stray. That’s the hard part. That’s the part that takes the extra effort.

So if we go into this new year with expectations for our resolutions to go perfectly and for things to instantly change, we’re going to be disappointed over and over again and we will undoubtedly fail. If we can truly allow ourselves to be patient, to give ourselves some leeway, to understand that true change is a process, that it takes time and effort, and that there’s going to be some mistakes along the way, we might just succeed.

We can’t be perfect or do every single thing we hope to each and every day. Let’s take everything one day at a time. Let’s work each day toward achieving our goals the best way we can. Some days may be harder and some days we might just not have it in us. But let’s realize that if we do have a bad day or if we do mess up, that it’s okay. It doesn’t mean our journey is over, it just means we’re human.
So let’s keep aspiring to be better but let’s also give ourselves the time we need to achieve those things.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” – Lao Tzu

Finding Strength in the Darkness

Life isn’t just the pictures we see on Facebook, and the happy faces we put on in our daily lives. All we see are the smiling faces and all of the fun things everyone’s doing and the cool places we’re going. That’s all we want to show the world. We only want to show each other the best parts of ourselves or the best parts of our lives. We envy others because of the pictures we see, or because of the things people have and the ideas in our head of what life is supposed to look like. But that’s not what life really is. It’s not just the good stuff, the perfectly captured moments, the beautiful places. Life is a series of the good and the bad, and no matter how much we try to run and hide from it, those hard parts will always be there and they are a part of our journey.

I’m a pretty positive person and in this moment I can genuinely can say that I love life. I’ve had some of the most amazing experiences, and life continues to amaze me and surprise me more and more through each and every experience. I like to find happiness in the little things and I truly feel every experience deeply and fully. Love and joy and laughter and hope and wonder, I feel it so very deeply. But with everything truly amazing, there’s always another side. Life is made up of that series of ups and downs. A series of falling apart and pulling yourself back together again. A series of getting lost and finding yourself.

Some people seem to have it all figured out, they have a set plan for their life and somehow it all seems to fall into place that way. And that’s really amazing for them, but I never was that way. And part of me wishes that I could be like that, but I know that just wouldn’t be me. I’m probably never going to have it all figured out, and I’m always going to be searching but I’m okay with that. I’ll always be questioning and exploring the possibilities of life.

Using the Difficult Times as a Means for Growth

I’ve been dealing with some personal struggles lately. The past few months dealing with anxiety and depression has been really difficult for me. It’s something that I’ve dealt with for a long time but it’s not something I generally talk about because it’s not something that’s easy to talk about, and no one really wants to hear about it. Most of the time, I feel like my pain isn’t important enough or valid enough. And I think that people have it worse than me or they are struggling more than me, so I don’t deserve to feel that pain. I feel guilty for cancelling those plans with friends simply because I don’t have the mental energy to pretend I’m okay. I don’t want to bring people down, no one wants that negativity. It’s not pretty or exciting or fun or easy. So no, it’s not easy to talk about. And I know that all those good parts of life are pretty amazing. And I also know that despite how shitty it feels when I’m in them, I’ll always appreciate the struggles and difficulties because they are what help me grow stronger and help me learn. They help me fully appreciate the good parts. I wouldn’t give up that pain and that darkness because it’s a part of me and it makes me feel alive and appreciate being able to feel deeply.

Going through the hard stuff, the stuff that no one wants to talk about, the stuff that makes us want to run away and escape, that’s where we find our strength. Because no matter how bad it feels, it does get better. The difficulties remind us that it’s okay to feel pain and that it’s okay to stop and take care of ourselves, even if that means doing absolutely nothing.

Because it’s hard to keep up with life sometimes when you feel like you can’t even stop to take a breath. When everything feels like it’s falling apart but you have to keep finding the strength to hold it together for another day. When you have to keep going forward when all you need is just a moment to stop and think.

Listen to your Needs

We need to remember that it’s okay to stop and slow down a little bit. It’s okay to be a little bit “lazy” sometimes. And it’s okay to take some time for ourselves when we need it.

Only you know yourself and what you need. We’re all different, and we all have our own minds and bodies and ways of functioning and thinking and that’s what makes us beautiful. We all compare ourselves to others, and want what we don’t have. But let’s realize what we do have and what makes us unique.

Let’s take the time to listen to ourselves when we need to, and stop trying to push ourselves when we aren’t feeling it. Let’s stop feeling guilty for saying no to plans simply because we just don’t have the mental energy for it or because we want to be alone. We’re allowed to take time to be alone with ourselves. We’re allowed to feel sad sometimes. That’s part of being human.
Let’s stop trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or ideals on what our life should look like. It’s not a race, we are all on our own journeys. There’s no exact formula or logical explanation for how our lives work. Things usually don’t go as planned, and the ideas in our heads usually don’t turn out that way. But that’s the beautiful uncertainty of life.

We need to realize that we are important enough. We need to remember our own worth and our own validity. Our thoughts and feelings and opinions do matter. Our pain is valid. We deserve to be heard and listened to and understood. We deserve the time to take care of ourselves because life is not easy, and we are all struggling.

Never Minimize the Importance of Self-Love

The most important thing I’ve learned from my struggles is how important self-love and self-care is. When I’ve found myself in that dark place, I know that I didn’t have the capability to fully and truly love and care for others deeply because I didn’t even feel that for myself. I felt guilty for cancelling plans so that I could stay in bed but in that moment, that was what I needed. I didn’t have the energy to be with others when I barely wanted to be with myself in those times. So I know how much our perspectives and our mental health affects us because I’ve seen that in myself. I know from my experience and the things I’ve felt when I was in those lows. I’ve realized that if we don’t love ourselves or take the time we need to care for ourselves, we can’t truly do that for others. Whatever it may be for you, please remember to listen to yourself and your needs amidst all of the chaos of life. Take the time you need to remind yourself of who you are, to remind yourself of your value, to remind yourself that you are alive, and of all the beauty that you bring to this world and how you can share that with others.

There’s always going to be the hard stuff, there’s always going to be pain. Life doesn’t get easier, we just get stronger. With every struggle, we learn and grow.

Keep learning. Keep growing.

If we can all take care of ourselves and learn to love ourselves truly, we can really take care of each other.